"A Baby's Bill of Rights"

Article the Third:
Where a crime of the kidneys has been committed, the accused should
enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change. Public announcements and
guided tours of the aforementioned are not necessary.

Article the Fourth:
The decision to eat strained lamb or not should be with the "feedee"
and not the "feeder". Blowing the strained lamb into the feeder's
face should be accepted as an opinion, not as a declaration of war.

Article the Fifth:
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize, whether it be in church,
a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the
lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have
to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

-- Erma Bombeck, "A Baby's Bill of Rights"